If you’re doing the initiating and chasing, he may just be enjoying your company temporarily.

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– Meredith To everyone who hasn’t yet read “Why He Disappeared”: a) You should.

b) It introduces a not-so-revolutionary concept that I call “mirroring”. If he says he wants to get together with you, say you want to get together with him. The reason that mirroring is so effective is because it honors the way that most men choose to pursue women.

Essentially, when you’re starting to date a new guy, the best thing you can do, to see if he’s genuinely interested in you, is to simply react to what he does. We are – in general – much more comfortable with us winning you over than we are with you chasing us down, asking us out, making the first move, and getting down on your knee to propose to us.

First off, thanks for all the info online and for “Why He Disappeared”. When I purchased tickets to the symphony a month ago I figured I would just end up dragging my son along with me.

Every time I start to obsess or get emotional now, I take a deep breath and go reread your book. Instead I invited one of the guys a couple of days after our first date. Now I’ve just gotten GREAT free tickets to a local concert that I know both men would enjoy.

Last weekend I went on second dates with two men that I’d met online. These are VIP box seats with preferred parking etc., and the concert is Saturday!

I haven’t heard from either man since the weekend and, while I’m not bothered by this, I don’t want to go to this concert alone (alas, not something I can drag my son to this time).

This doesn’t mean being arbitrarily difficult or challenging.

You should always be warm, receptive and available. Because when you don’t follow his lead – when you start initiating contact and asking him out for dates – you never actually find out how he feels about you. You can call up one of these guys and offer him free concert tickets, but is he going out with you because he likes you?

Or is he going out with you because he likes music?

Or because he’s bored and had nothing better to do that night, so why not take in a free show and maybe make out with you afterwards? And you can’t know unless you sit back and let him choose you.